Have you heard this phrase in your marriage?
“Your man doesn’t have what it takes.”
When you hear it, it sounds like your own voice and perhaps the voice of one of your parents. In the spiritual battle, the tactic here is division. Consider how many ways you’ve been tempted to diminish your husband’s value in front of your peers and your parents.
I entered marriage as a good Christian girl who didn’t know that the
Philippians 4:8 “think on these things” was an effective marriage defense training tool. And I suppose God’s “honor your husband” instruction for wives was obscured by the thrill of being chosen.
Regret floods my mind as I recall the years I spent rehearsing what seemed to be wrong with my husband. Unfortunately the rehearsal moved beyond my mouth and into my conversations with my parents and close friends. I was unknowingly committing treason—forsaking the vows I made before God to love, honor, and cherish him. I was completely clueless to the spiritual attack on every marriage, and I certainly didn’t know I was cooperating with the Marriage Destroyer.
Your Marriage is a Strategic Target
The union of marriage is God’s design. It’s His life-sized illustration of His commitment to love you and me forever. But it’s more than just for our own personal benefit. As you and your spouse love, honor, and cherish each other, the world around you sees a reflection of God loving them. But if your commitment to each other is destroyed, what will the world know of God and His enduring, merciful love?
Satan, the Marriage Destroyer, wants to shine a dishonorable, untrustworthy light on his opponent. He wants to influence as many people as he can. His schemes are aimed at destroying belief in God. He does not get to live in the perfection of heaven, and he doesn’t want anyone else to either. He wants people shaking their heads in disbelief that God’s Word is truth. And he’s happy to use you and me to make it happen.
Think about Potiphar’s wife and her attraction to Joseph. When you read
Genesis 39, it sounds like she’s living the sweet life with everything she could ever want. So, why do you think she wanted Joseph all of a sudden? Her pursuit of him was relentless. Did she marry Potiphar planning to cheat on him? I doubt it. What about Joseph? We don’t hear any hint of wrongdoing in his character. He represented the character of God, and he enjoyed God’s favor. He was a strategic target.
Is Your Focus Fear or Faith?
That’s why I am writing to you. I want you to see the reality behind the divorce statistics. There is a backstory that is as old as Lucifer’s fall from heaven. He is a subtle but pervasive enemy. You’ve seen some of his victories. I saw his destructive nature in my parents’ divorce. It opened the door to influence the demise of my first marriage. And it threatened my current marriage to David.
My first marriage ended because I was focused on what was wrong. The fears of what might go wrong and what we might live without far exceeded my faith in what God could do. The advice I heeded was all focused on saving myself from heartache.
Five years into my marriage to David, those same fears were suffocating me. It took far too long to arrive at the conclusion that I was the common denominator in the two marriages. That morsel of humility helped me begin crying out to Jesus for help. The simple
“Help me Jesus”prayers were the beginning of a beautiful story of healing and restoration.
God answered my prayers with opportunities for biblical counseling and extended
Bible study. Time in His Word revealed a God I could trust. I had learned about God for thirty plus years, but I had not been relying on Him the way Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego modeled for me. I had not been honoring Him the way Daniel chose to when he risked his life by praying to Him. But today, I believe with my whole heart that nothing is impossible with God. And I’m positive that doing marriage His way is the only way.
Marriage, The Land of Promise
In the last ten years, God has transformed my perspective.
He sent His Word and healed me. He revealed Himself as the One I could trust.
In my first marriage and early in my second, I saw the challenges and felt like a powerless grasshopper. Marriage, the land of my promise, looked impossible—hopeless. My fears were so much bigger than my faith.
Do you remember the story? Moses sent twelve spies to scope out the Promised Land. Ten of the spies acknowledged that while the land had so much to offer, there were enemies that made them feel as small and as powerless as grasshoppers. They counted the cost and said, “No, thanks.”
Caleb and Joshua were the only ones willing to go into the land anyway. The “we won’t go” boys were focused on their own abilities, and the “we can do this” fellas were sure of God’s power and ability to protect them (
Numbers 13–14).
The threats (mostly my imaginations) to our marriage have been scary to me. I am still a grasshopper. But now I am excited about the great things God has planned for our married life. And I truly love being married to David. I’m standing in the land of my promise with assurance that God’s presence and power are epic forces in the spiritual battles ahead. Now I know from experience that He is able to establish us and guard us against the evil one (
2 Thessalonians 3:3). I’m joining the “we can do this” team and inviting brides to find God able to
do more than they can ask or imagine in their marriage.
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